The following is from my daily morning writing session on 750words.com and is copy-and-pasted word-for-word with very little editing done to it.
Well, it’s time to start writing again. For I am, in fact, a writer. Or, at least, I used to be one. I used to love writing. I used to love putting thoughts together on paper. And somewhere along the way, I decided I wasn’t a writer anymore.
Back when I was in 7th grade, in the year of 2000, my English teacher gave a class assignment to write a sequel chapter to some book we were reading about Stonehenge. Instead of the required 4 pages, I turned in a 20+ page Part 2 of the book. Needless to say, while I’m not sure if she read the whole thing, I am sure that it means that there’s always been a writer inside of me.
Maybe it’s a confidence thing. I know I’m a decent writer, but am I GOOD writer? Can I write things that open people’s minds, that inspire action, that add insight, that make a difference. I still can’t seem to write an essay without leaving a few typos, even after 2 or 3 proofreads. And I used to write and I stopped – so maybe that means I wasn’t meant to continue down that path?
But I think I’m supposed to write. I think I’m supposed to share my life.
There’s something inside of me that has no fear. That’s not to say I’m not scared shitless nearly 75% of the time I’m off doing anything. But in the big picture, I somehow have been able to keep those little things we call hope, belief, and “it’ll work out …somehow” protected from all the bullshit. There’s something inside of me that says “It is possible”.
I’ve been sitting still staring at walls for too long now. I’ve gotten to know myself and what makes me tick more and more in this process, and in that, I’ve also learned that sitting just isn’t my style – I always need to be moving. I always need to be experimenting. I always need to be growing my understanding of things, of my myself, of this world we live in, of the people that surround us and why we do the things we do or don’t do the things we don’t do. I want to learn everything. I can’t sit in one place, learning only one thing. How could I possibly ever do that? That sounds like my personal hell.
I have to be on the go.
And, I’m finally ready to go.
I want these days to be the days when I look back and I see that I made that choice, and it was finally the one that once you make it, there’s no turning back. I want to finally begin to grow into the person I want to be. I want to leap and have the net appear, because I think I finally trust that. I think I finally love myself enough to give myself the ability to take the risks that will take me to the places I need to go.
I keep saying to myself, “You only get one shot at life. There’s no dress rehearsal here. You get one go, and then, you’re dead.” I have a few friends, all of whom I love and respect more than anything else on this earth, that I can see it in their eyes they want to go off and see what they’re made of, but we’ve been taught that it’s just not practical. I want so badly for them to go off and see what’s out there. You can still enjoy the simple things in life, and simultaneously push your comfort zone.
So, I want to share my journey with people, in the hopes that it will inspire them to pave their own way. No fluffy bullshit. No lame inspiration stuff. I really want to share and be open and sincere and honest. I want to tell my story, so that other people may also be inspired to live and tell their story.
And I want to share it because it’s been through my blog and online communities that I’ve met some of the most amazing and inspiring people on this earth, all of whom I wouldn’t know if it weren’t for these tools. Some of these people have shaped me just as much as my best friend since 2nd grade.
I’ve tried to settle down. But it seems like I can’t settle with being settled. It looks like a life where I go wherever the wind takes me is what it’ll be for me. And instead of going the pre-planned route of having a secure job, and securing a house, and securing my finances, I’m going to do things a little differently. I’m not saying I’m going to be a hippie living off of other people’s kindness. I’m not saying that I don’t want to work and make a living for myself. I’m not saying that I don’t believe that there isn’t beauty in that path. But, for me, I will just have different foundations, for we all need aspects of certainty in our lives. But for me, it’s going to be more about my routines, and keeping in touch with the people who I love from afar.
For me, it’s going to be that no matter where I am in the world, I can wake up and do yoga for an hour, enjoy a cup of coffee, and think about life for a little while. For me, it’s going to be running my businesses from around the globe, all of which allow me to connect and work with other extraordinary people, entrepreneurs, and creators.
For me, it’s going to be keeping my friends close by staying in touch via Facebook and long emails and postcards and even Snapchat. For me, it’s going to be about my hobbies like outdoor adventuring, writing, creating art, learning new languages. For me, it’s going to be the road itself. Each destination will grow a piece of me, and I’ll as I learn more and more, I will become the foundation for myself wherever I go.
Maybe one day I’ll settle down with a little house on the water somewhere. But, I don’t think an international airport will ever be that far from my front door.
The world is my oyster. I need to go and see what it has to offer. I need to go see what I have to offer.
With love, – Lauren